McDonald’s dipping sauce policy VS. R.E.M’s “End of the World” video

16 09 2008

McDonald’s dipping sauce policy

Outrageously un-American!

Outrageously un-American!

McDonald’s, creator of succulent death-nuggets and other tasty but deadly “food,” has hurled shit in the face of decency by introducing a Dipping Sauce Policy more evil than Bristol Palin’s demon seed (ooh, right off the bat!).

Granted, I ripped this photo off The Grammar Vandal, a Batman-esque vigilante doing dangerous but important editing work on the streets of Boston. But the McDonald’s in NYC post the message, too.

The sauce – like air and the infinite love of Christ – is free, you fucks. I used to have so many Sweet & Sour cartons I could have built a flotilla of them and conquered Asia Minor. Now, they want to stick us to these rigid “6 Piece = 1 Sauce” guidelines that have me rationing off dips-per-nugget like some sort of Anne Frank.

No, this is America, and we want ONE carton PER nugget. That’s not excess, it’s the freedom to bathe your sock-shaped bit of processed chicken in a little tub of heaven. Great Depression II or not, you can’t get cheap on us after decades of free sauce. McDonald’s, that’s Awesomely Disgusting.

VS.

R.E.M.’s “End of the World” video

 Given the fact that the End of Days is undoubtedly upon us, I found myself in the mood for R.E.M.’s  “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” That or Sunshine Day by The Brady Bunch…both seem to herald apocalyptic events, but that’s just my interpretation.

Along with sassy guitar sweetness and a (clearly coke-induced) rant of indecipherable babble (except for Leonard Bernstein — that comes through nicely), R.E.M. went the extra mile and made the music video a (clearly coke-induced) rant of indecipherable images. Basically, some latch-key hick child wanders through the detritus of humanity in the MOST DISGUSTING HOUSE EVER.

Now, in college I lived with 4 other guys who’d sooner leave a very used pair of underwear on the bathroom floor for months than attempt anything resembling “cleaning up.” One of them slept on the couch with a butcher’s knife, his “reaching stick” (a shower rod used to drag his surrounding drug paraphernalia closer), and a blanket of pizza boxes, but I’m getting off point. The point is, compared to the house in the R.E.M. video, my college apartment was cleaner than rehab.

But in the video, the kid is digging through a disease-riddled treasure trove of what appears to be Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots, the Heisman trophy, and Janis Joplin’s original tambourine. If backwater serial killers used abandoned shacks to eat cheeseburgers and play Xbox instead of maimin’ and murderin’, this would be what it looked like. R.E.M., that’s Awesomely Disgusting.

WINNER: When McDonald’s takes BBQ from the huddled masses, that’s bad policy. When R.E.M. craps the soul of 1992 into an abandoned hovel in Alabama, that’s life-changing art.

R.E.M. wins for being Awesomely Disgusting.


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4 responses

16 09 2008
Andrew K Gay

Pure gold. Well done, dude.

16 09 2008
Ben

Hi-larious. I want to slather your blog in dipping sauce and eat it.

16 09 2008
Kevin

Third.

17 09 2008
Raoul Duke

When will this Rupert Murdoch debate begin?

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