Things in the shape of the Virgin Mary
The 10 Commandments. The Shroud of Turin.
A cornflake.
The good lawd chooses strange vessels for his message. And while vessels like Morgan Freeman and Alanis Morissette are definitely strange, at least they make some sense. Unless the rumors are true and you’re Dave Coulier, and that bitch calls you in the middle of dinner. I mean, fuck that – you’re the only thing standing between three wily girls and Bob Saget, and fucking Kimmy Gibbler keeps stopping by in a clearly coke-induced stupor so she can skull fuck John Stamos with a glow-in-the-dark 80s strap-on (as if there’s any other kind), and now on top of it all Alanis “Jagged Pill” Morisette is interrupting meatloaf night?!!??
Sorry, sometimes I just go there and it’s hard to come back.
What I’m trying to say is, a message of hope to humanity probably won’t come in the form of a pretzel:
sent to this Chosen One:
Milk goes on the cereal, sweetheart. Milk. Not a Dixie cup of mescaline-laced Scope.
Others have seen holy tree stumps, holy grapes, and even a holy Cheeto (Holy Cheeto, Batman!). There’s an entire blog [ virginmaryagain.com ] dedicated to harvesting these precious miracles. But it’s booming business! Turns out that cornflake sold for $1,350…bet the Cornflake rooster went home and beat his rooster babies when he heard they let that cash cow out of the factory.
Things in the shape of the Virgin Mary are Awesomely Retarded!
VS.
“That’s what she said!”
Everybody wants to be funny, but let’s face it, it’s really hard (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!)
Luckily there’s an old standby, and if you know how to stick it in the right spot you’ll make people smile (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!)
Now, some people overdo it, so you should just try to let it come naturally (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!). Good news is that The Office made it funny to say again, and in this clip Steve Carell shows you how to bring it up in any situation (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!):
My favorite part is when he erupts at 3:50 (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!).
It’s such a phenomenon that they got it all over the place, even on clothes (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!), so don’t be afraid to pull it out (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!). Let this sink in a bit — you’ll thank me later (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!).
Whew…sometimes you have to just purge yourself of the 12-year-old inside of you (resisting…that’s just on the cusp of “too far,” even for me). Fact of the matter is, everyone from Kofi Annan to Snoopy has used “That’s what she said” to bring down the house, which makes it Awesomely Retarded.
WINNER: Things in the shape of the Virgin Mary get some people really excited, but that’s what she said!
“That’s what she said” wins for being Awesomely Retarded.
you include kimmy gibler on coke but no mention of stephanie tanner on meth. what gives?
The wonders never cease with you Steven. And it makes me feel awkward (gay?) to say this, but, that’s what she said.
I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what this blog is about. HUH?
Yo quit being lame Jenni