Rush Limbaugh VS. Joe the Biden

Rush Limbaugh

Rushbo has challenged Bam Bam to a duel! Of words!

No one really expects O to play ball since, let’s face it, it’s sort of unbecoming for the leader of the free world to accept random pissing match invites. Unless it’s from Hil, then it’s a manhood thing and who can blame him.

But for all his wacky shock jock exploits, Rush has quite a way with power. When elected officials are shining his shoes and miss a spot, he kicks them  in their malnourished orphan ribs, pulls them off the ground by their malnourished orphan ears, and makes them apologize as the dark wet spot spreading from their groin erases any last vestige of dignity.

Do you remember Fat Cat from Chip ‘N Dale’s Rescue Rangers? Of course you do, you didn’t have friends in 1991, either.

Fat Cat and Rush have at least two discernible traits in common. One, they are twinsies. Observe the arrangement of the neck and jowls:

The second is they make/made formidable foes. Even with the requisite bumbling sidekicks, Fat Cat managed to drop a big steaming one in Chip’s (or Dale’s? WTF knows) coffee every morning.

And likewise, Rushbo drops quite the deuce in the Dems’ grande chai lattes each and every bold American morning. The shape and frequency of said deliveries would impress even that infomercial poop guy (real quote, regarding to his 4-year-old daughter: her bowel movement was about as thick as my wrist and about as long as her arm!)

Rush Limbaugh is Awesomely Badass!

VS.

Joe the Biden

So if Bam’s not going pause pressing national and international obligations to cock-slap Rush (lame!), there’s only one man who could stand up to the task.

Rahmbo? Too ballerina-y!

Gibbs? Too jiggly!

Nope. Only dude for the job is Sweet Joey  B. And before any of you read another word, watch this in its star-studded, glorious entirety:

Now how could Sweet Joey B. possibly overcome a porpoise-like attack of the Rush? Easy.

A direct punch to the throat.

Because America, Sweet Joey B. is a crazy motherfucker. Note I did not call him a “mother-shut-yo’-mouth!” or a “mother-fekker” as may happen with those who do not fully earn the title. No, because Joe Biden will have intercourse with your mother. And then he will punch her directly in the throat.

Sweet Joey B. is the guy at the bar you know you shouldn’t fuck with when you walk in. You know it, and you promise you will not. But haha! that was a sober promise and those don’t count! So you grow a tiny ball (just the one) and mock him under your breath as you pass by, giddy with the thrill of it. Until his iron bear claw lands on your shoulder.

“Say it again,” Joe Biden says. The single tiny ball reverts to your usual vagin-jee.

“Come outside with me,” he says. “No…” you croak.

And then Joe Biden punches you directly in the throat. Because Joe the Biden is Awesomely Badass.

WINNER: Rush may have a big cigar, but Joe the Biden will resort to uncontrollable baboon-style brutality without blinking.

Joe the Biden wins for being Awesomely Badass.